“I think our border control are the nicest, you know? Those ones at Charles de Gaulle are so sour-faced.”
An early point for Ireland in the Irish Guineas versus Poule d’Essai tourism race, and one the Gardai can be proud of. I resist the urge to engage in conversation about border guard characteristics and bite down my disappointment that the man in charge of car hire has a swarthy Italian accent, rather than producing the heart-warming Irish mixture of laidback deliberation and blarney – a sure-fire indicator that you’ve landed in Dublin.
There’s no tea available on arrival at the Curragh but I’m immediately pacified by the good weather and a shortbread biscuit. Easy to please, some would say.
The day starts with a win for Aidan O’Brien’s Sergei Diaghilev, which everyone has had a practice saying before committing the moment to television. Sue Magnier’s acute naming procedure provides a much-needed level of cultural appreciation: Diaghilev was a noted Russian art critic and famously, the lover of Nijinsky. I’m not surprised to see that Nijinsky doesn’t feature amongst this chap’s immediate pedigree - Sue would have checked.
“We think he’s very nice,” says Aidan. “We’re running these horses in case they’re ones for Ascot. He could be a classy horse and Ryan [Moore] thought he would step up to seven furlongs in time. [The Coventry] is most likely, he wouldn’t qualify for the Chesham Stakes – you’d rather look at six furlongs than five.”
2647 races later (we love the World Pool), it’s time to go into the paddock for the Irish 2000 Guineas. I’m distracted from paddock notes by the Karl Burke team crowded round an iPhone, waiting with bated breath before raucous cheering.
“She won then?” I laugh.
“She bolted up,” replies Karl, unable to contain a beaming smile as he legs Sam James up onto Alparslan (second Sultan of the Seljuk Empire, for your knowledge).
He returned for a quick chat, minutes later: “I’ve only just seen the quick replay, but that looked super impressive! Sprinting very much seems to be her game.”
Commonwealth Cup next? “Definitely.”

Karl may be king of Haydock, with Night Raider ensuring a sprint double on the depleted card, but Aidan reigns supreme at the Curragh. Gstaad (Swiss ski resort) adds an incredible 13th win to the Ballydoyle trainer’s ever-burgeoning Irish 2000 Guineas tally and continued the recent trend (Rosallion, Field Of Gold) tradition of second-placed Newmarket colts winning the Irish equivalent. Distant Storm finishes in the frame…again.
“It was very straightforward, really,” says Aidan. “He is a bit lazy and can take time to open up in a race, but Ryan [Moore] gave him a lovely uncomplicated ride. He’s done well since Newmarket.
“I’ll imagine the lads will want to go to the St James’s Palace Stakes. It would be a proper race and if they [Guineas winners] can all meet again, it would be great.”
The party doesn’t stop with the Guineas though. Causeway adds to his unbeaten record in the Gallinule Stakes and earns valuable Irish Derby quotes, with Aidan clear that the colt’s best efforts will come over further.
“He’s a lovely horse, but will never win by far.”
By the ninth race, I’m incredibly sun burnt and been thoroughly adopted by the Irish, having lost any sense of British urgency.
Count Bezukhov wins the last. He’s the lead character in Tolstoy’s War And Peace – you’re welcome.
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