Premier League Final Day recap

Match Centres:

Arsenal 3-1 Everton
Burnley 1-2 West Ham
Chelsea 5-1 Sunderland
Hull 1-7 Tottenham
Leicester 1-1 Bournemouth
Liverpool 3-0 Middlesbrough
Manchester United 2-0 Crystal Palace
Southampton 0-1 Stoke
Swansea 2-1 West Brom
Watford 0-5 Manchester City

Final 2016/17 Premier League table

PLACE YOUR BETS ON THE PREMIER LEAGUE!

1700: So there it is. The headlines:

Manchester City and Liverpool both won, ultimately with plenty to spare, to ensure Arsenal's hard-fought 3-1 victory over Everton was in vain. 

Harry Kane scored seven goals in his last two games to win the Golden Boot by a street despite twice busting ankle ligaments during another astonishing campaign for this one-season wonder. Tottenham end the campaign with 86 goals, which was more than anyone else, and 86 points, which wasn't.

Chelsea celebrated the title with a ceremonial thumping of Sunderland and may have initiated a nauseating new development for departing club legends by subbing John Terry with 26 minutes on the clock. 

Some other results happened elsewhere, with 37 goals scored in total as the traditional final-day hatful duly arrived. Only Watford, Palace and Southampton failed to get themselves on the scoresheet. Hang your heads in shame. 

Highlighting the bizarre morass of mediocrity that exists between eighth and 17th in the Premier League, textbook mid-table outfit Watford actually end up just one place above the drop zone but six points clear of Hull and the same distance behind eighth-placed Southampton. And spare a thought too for lonely Everton, the sole occupants of a 23-point wasteland between Manchester United in sixth and the Saints.

1655: FT: Burnley 1-2 West Ham
Significant result for Price Boost backers, and quite possibly for Slaven Bilic's continued employment prospects as well.

1654: FT: Arsenal 3-1 Everton
A win, but not enough to get to the top four and Koscielny has contrived to get himself suspended for the FA Cup final.

1653: GOAL! ARSENAL 3-1 Everton
Arsenal have a third through Ramsey, but they will not be competing in the Champions League for the first time since the discovery of fire. 

1652: FT: Chelsea 5-1 Sunderland
Campeones, campeones.

1651: GOAL! CHELSEA 5-1 Sunderland
An even flourishier flourish for Batshuayi.

1650: FT: Liverpool 3-0 Middlesbrough, Watford 0-5 Manchester City
Manchester City secure third spot, Liverpool fourth. The former was never in doubt, but for Liverpool - while it was comfortable in the end - there was 45 minutes of nail-gnawing agony before Wijnaldum opened the scoring.

1649: FT: Hull 1-7 Tottenham
A hat-trick for Harry Kane to wrap up the Golden Boot in the grand manner, while a Spurs team that finished last season in hilarious ineptitude have this time around scored 13 goals in two games since securing second spot. They're also only the third Premier League side to score seven away from home, it says here.

1647: GOAL! CHELSEA 4-1 Sunderland
The top four have scored 19 goals between them today. They are better than the other teams. Michy Batshuayi adds another goal to his late-season flourish.

1645: GOAL! Hull 1-7 TOTTENHAM
Tottenham's defenders have been rock-solid all season, so who can deny them a bit of fun as the season winds down? Toby Alderweireld in the six-yard box for some reason to make it seven for the runners-up at the KCOM, eclipsing their biggest ever away win in the Premier League a whopping three days after setting the record. These last two very silly games will mean Spurs end the season with the division's most prolific attack and meanest defence. Can they have a trophy for that? I say yes.

1643: GOAL! Swansea 2-1 WEST BROM
Swansea are now 2-1 up thanks to Fernando Llorente. Tidy season in South Wales for the big Spaniard.

1641: GOAL! Hull 1-6 TOTTENHAM
Not a huge surprise that Spurs have scored six for the second game running, but a slight surprise that it's Ben Davies who's bagged that sixth goal by gleefully smacking the ball home from long-range.

1640: Liverpool fans in playful mood and now urging Lucas to shoot whenever he gets on the ball.

1637: Daniel Sturridge substituted at Anfield. The commentator reckons the striker has played his part in a performance "that looks to have taken them to the Champions League." Taking no chances there at 3-0 in the 83rd minute.

1636: Big cheers at Anfield for both the substituted Firmino and his replacement Lucas.

1635: GOAL! CHELSEA 3-1 Sunderland
Threesy does it! Pedro wraps things up for the Blues, whose fans will party long into the night after this victory which sees the club hit 30 Premier League wins this season - a new record.

1631: GOAL! Burnley 1-2 WEST HAM
To me to Ayew! Andre joins his brother on the scoresheet and has put West Ham 2-1 up, which is good news for pre-match and half-time Soccer Special Price Boost backers - it's now a 5/6 shot.

1630: GOAL! SWANSEA 1-1 West Brom
Jordan Ayew has equalised for Swansea against West Brom and that's all I have on that.

1629: GOAL! Hull 1-5 TOTTENHAM
Back-to-back hat-tricks for fictional character Harry Kane. He's now scored four Premier League hat-tricks in 2017 - only 12 men have more than that all told in its 25-year history.

1628: Gomes is down in pain on the floor after making a wonderful save against Sergio Aguero, it looks like the Brazilian keeper will need to be replaced.

1626: GOAL! Hull 1-4 TOTTENHAM
Spurs restore their three-goal cushion at the KCOM, Victor Wanyama getting himself on the scoresheet. One of the signings of the season.

1625: Liverpool just thoroughly enjoying themselves now and trying to score goals of increasingly improbable intricacy and beauty. Wijnaldum slices wide after some lovely Firmino nonsense.

1623: GOAL! HULL 1-3 Tottenham
Sam Clucas pulls one back for Hull, a goal that I think secures the Golden Gloves for Thibaut Courtois.

1620: GOAL! CHELSEA 2-1 Sunderland
Eden Hazard has put the champions ahead again Sunderland, that his 17th goal this season and only adds to the party atmosphere at Stamford Bridge. For the third year in a row, the brilliant Belgian has been pivotal in deciding the destination of the Premier League trophy.   

1617: GOAL! Southampton 0-1 STOKE
Southampton and Stoke are playing? Huh.

1616: GOAL! Arsenal 2-1 EVERTON
A goal that might have been significant 10 minutes ago, but now one that does little other than cause a flutter of concern for Arsenal and Soccer Special Price Boost backers. Even the fact that it's Lukaku with it is of minor import now.

1616: GOAL! Watford 0-5 MANCHESTER CITY
Gabriel Jesus makes it five! Watford had looked much better in this second half but have allowed City to walk through them again. The Brazilian's finish was as cool as you like. Mark my words, this time next year that boy will be one of this league's very biggest stars. Huge fan.

1615: The official is giving Walter Mazzarri a stern talking to at Vicarage Road. The Watford owner has seen the funny side of it all. Laughing at a man you’ve just sacked seems a bit much.

1614: GOAL! LIVERPOOL 3-0 Middlesbrough
Seems weird that anyone was worried. Middlesbrough carelessly launch an attack, allowing Liverpool to pick them off on the break. Adam Lallana finishing things off with a neat finish inside the far post.

1612: Middlesbrough are still trying here, George Friend throwing himself in front of a Roberto Firmino volley in the way a foot-soldier might dive on a landmine to save his general. Sort of.

1610: GOAL! LEICESTER 1-1 Bournemouth
Leicester have fought back to level up the game, 2016's Jamie Vardy still having a party and bagging the equaliser. You have to imagine he can’t wait to get the game over and hop on the plane to Ibiza.

1608: GOAL! LIVERPOOL 2-0 Middlesbrough
That is surely that. Two moments of top quality from Liverpool either side of half-time have thoroughly settled the nerves here. Philippe Coutinho arcs a beautiful 25-yard free-kick around the wall and beyond the despairing Brad Guzan.

1606: The Vicarage Road Bird is still enjoying itself enormously and surely now only moments away from having its own hilarious Twitter account.

1601: For fans of rogue animals at sports grounds - and, let's face it, who isn't? -   a little bird could be seen on the pitch before the kick-off for the second half at Vicarage Road. You'd have to imagine it would put up more of a fight than the Watford defence.   

1600: The Soccer Special Price Boost is still available to back in-running. Only needs a West Ham goal, plus Liverpool and Arsenal to behave themselves, and looks a very reasonable 100/30 shot at the halfway stage...

1559: Just realised that City's fourth goal has finally ended those idle dreams of a play-off. Gah.

1555: With the second half likely to produce even more goals everywhere and even less competence here, a reminder that our Live Vidiprinter neither feels nor understands your human emotions and never misses any of the goals.

1553: AS THINGS STAND

Champions League

3. Manchester City 78pts
4. Liverpool 76pts
5. Arsenal 75pts

Golden Boot

1. Harry Kane 28 goals
2=. Romelu Lukaku 24 goals
2=. Alexis Sanchez 24 goals

1550: HALF-TIME. Breathless first half all around the land. Manchester City and Tottenham have enjoyed themselves enormously. Liverpool fans were having a really horrible time until Wijnaldum produced a moment of real quality to end Middlesbrough's admirably stoic resistance. Arsenal are going to beat Everton, but it doesn't look like it's going to be enough. Is it even really the Champions League without Arsenal going out to Bayern Munich in the last 16? Unchartered territory. 

1547: GOAL! Hull 0-3 TOTTENHAM
Dele Alli makes it three for Spurs. They're going to end their season with 12 victories from 13 games, which is quite the thing.

1545: GOAL! LIVERPOOL 1-0 Middlesbrough
Right on half-time, Liverpool have the goal they've craved. Lovely little pass from Firmino and superb first touch from Georginio Wijnaldum before he blasts the ball past Guzan at the near post. Those half-time pies will taste all the sweeter now for Liverpool. The relief at Anfield is palpable.

1542: Watford 0-4 MANCHESTER CITY
This could be any score you like here. City playing some absolutely delightful stuff against a team inexplicably not that bothered about giving their all for a manager they already know is leaving. Fernandinho the latest to accept the freedom of the Watford box before slotting past Gomes.

1537: Roberto Firmino shoots straight at Brad Guzan. To be honest, that's not the worst tactic and it almost pays off as the keeper fumbles his first attempt to gather the ball before recovering.

1536: GOAL! Watford 0-3 MANCHESTER CITY
Vincent Kompany seems to being getting some moisturiser applied by the physio, what has happened to the beautiful game? That’s right, it’s got fabulous. And talking of fabulous - delightful football from Man City takes them 3-0 up, playing the ball on the carpet all the way from the goalkeeper to Aguero whose finish was typically delightful. Could he make a late run for the Golden Boot? He's only [looks up top goalscorers] eight behind, so it's definitely possible.

1535: GOAL! Swansea 0-1 WEST BROM
Jonny Evans puts the Baggies ahead against the Swans, which could seal that lovely eighth-placed prize money to keep Tony Pulis in baseball caps and combative midfielders.

1534: Adam Lallana almost in on goal for Liverpool, but the impressive Ben Gibson gets back to cut out the danger. Arsenal can have absolutely no complaints about Boro's efforts here.

1532: Captain, Leader, Legend John Terry has been substituted at the Bridge with 26 (his shirt number) minutes on the clock. #classy #nicetouch #3/1anytimescorerbetdownthekhazi

1530: Always the same on the final day. Goals, goals, goals. Strikers will always have motivation to score goals, but defenders need something more than £1.9m-a-place prize money to drive them on. The Middlesbrough defenders have turned up, but they of course are today driven by banter, the most powerful substance in the footballing universe.

1529: GOAL! Burnley 1-1 WEST HAM
The Champagne turns to ashes in our throats as West Ham almost immediately draw level at Turf Moor.

1527: GOAL! ARSENAL 2-0 Everton
Ten men, no problems. Alexis Sanchez doubles the Gunners' lead. Liverpool have to find a goal, and have only 63 minutes plus stoppages in which to do so. It's quite a long time in fairness.

1526: GOAL! BURNLEY 1-0 West Ham
Burnley at home have been the punters' pals pretty much all season, and it looks like they're at it again. I think our man David John has tipped them at least 15 times and now drinks only the finest Champagne having previously been more of a Diet Coke man. Sam Vokes with the opening goal in the Claret Derby.

1525: Middlesbrough enjoying their best spell of the game at Anfield. Playing with the freedom that only long-inevitable relegation can bring.

1524: GOAL! Watford 0-2 MANCHESTER CITY
Sergio Aguero has bagged his side's second and equals his best scoring season for the club. He made a great run through the middle of Watford’s defence and tucked it into the bottom right-hand corner.  Man City will be playing in the Champions League next season.  

1523: Just seen a replay. I may have got overexcited. Nothing much in it really, and first contact outside the box. Would've livened things up, though, wouldn't it?

1521: Huge call from Martin Atkinson at Anfield, deciding that Dejan Lovren hasn't pulled down Patrick Bamford in the box when it really, really, really looked like he had. Would've been a deliberate foul so potentially a pen-red card double whammy as well.

1520: GOAL! MANCHESTER UNITED 2-0 Crystal Palace
Paul Pogba repays another chunk of his transfer fee by putting sixth-place's Manchester United 2-0 against much fancied Crystal Palace.

1517: Chance for Middlesbrough from a free-kick, but its whacked straight into the wall.

1516: GOAL! MANCHESTER UNITED 1-0 Crystal Palace
Immediately regretting this blog. Forgot that the last day always features at least 712 goals. Josh Harrop has put the Red Devils ahead on his senior debut for the club, so that's a nice thing isn't it? Jose Mourinho yet again placing his faith in youth.

1515: RED CARD! Some good news for Liverpool after a dispiriting first 15 minutes - Laurent Koscielny has been sent off, and his absence has in the past turned Arsenal's defence into something bordering on fictitious. Might also give Lukaku fresh hope...

1514: GOAL! Hull 0-2 TOTTENHAM
Yeah, it was. Four goals clear now.

1512: Might be our only chance to do this with any change from the likeliest outcome, so here's the As Things Stand picture.

3. Manchester City 78 pts
4. Arsenal 75pts
5. Liverpool 74pts

1511: GOAL! Hull 0-1 TOTTENHAM
Yeah, it was. Three goals clear now. And yes, it was a Christian Eriksen assist.

1509: GOAL! CHELSEA 1-1 Sunderland
The Black Cats have had their fun, but the resolutely unfunny champions have put a stop to all that sort of thing now. For Willian, it was really nothing.

1508: GOAL! ARSENAL 1-0 Everton
Hector Bellerin gives Arsenal the lead. Nervy times on the Anfield terraces, with Liverpool dropping to fifth on the very, very early final day league table.

1505: Chance! First sight of goal for Liverpool, but Nathaniel Clyne drags it wide.

1505: GOAL! Chelsea 0-1 SUNDERLAND
LOL that was officially Not In The Script. Javier Manquillo has put the Black Cats ahead, and that could have huge implicatio... ha, no, it's meaningless.

1504: GOAL! Watford 0-1 MANCHESTER CITY
Vincent Kompany settles Manchester City nerves with a goal against a hilariously static Watford defence. I've seen more mobile table football backlines.

1503: No goals or meaningful action yet at Anfield, but Liverpool are sporting a quite marvellous retro 80s-style kit and surely deserve at least a goal start for that alone.

1502: GOAL! Leicester 0-1 BOURNEMOUTH
Flip-flop clad, towel-wearing Leicester already a goal down to Junior Stanislas after that midweek shellacking off Tottenham.

1500: We're off! And Watford keeper Heurelho Gomes is already larking about without a care in the world in the early moments against Man City. Almost presents a chance to Sergio Aguero - rarely prudent - before Gabriel Jesus sees a shot cleared off the line. They've not played a minute yet.

1458: One final desperate attempt to pretend EVERYTHING MATTERS today: every position a club manages to drag itself up the table today is worth an extra £1.9m in prize money. With eight points separating eighth from 17th, there are plenty of sides with the potential to rise - or fall - several million quid.

1456: Liverpool fans might be feeling the pressure today, but Jurgen Klopp was in his usual good spirits pre-match which should help relax/terrify his players.  The German has suggested if the Reds fail to take three points today they do not deserve to play Champions League football next season. Maths and logic suggest this is correct.

1452: Having hinted at retirement could this be John Terry’s final professional game? It would be the perfect way for the Chelsea captain to cap off his 20-year career by lifting the Premier League title one final time at Stamford Bridge.  He starts today, so it's even legitimate for him to have his kit on.

There will be plenty of people watching and listening for his inevitable end of game speech to the Blues faithful, waiting to see if the former England skipper will bring his illustrious career to an end.  

And who'd back against a farewell goal for the big man? Sunderland concede all kinds of goals, but are especially fond of a set-piece concession and that screams Terry. Fans of such fairytale scriptings are advised to get involved at 3/1...

1443: The Sky Bet EFL play-offs have once again proved to be among football's very greatest ideas, but could we be heading for Premier League play-offs after today's action? Almost certainly not, BUT IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE.

Any combination of Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester City could in theory find themselves in such a game for Champions League qualification. Watford 3-3 Manchester City and Liverpool 3-0 Middlesbrough is a 485/1 double at Sky Bet and would leave City and Liverpool with identical records and having to play off for the third automatic Champions League spot.

OR, Arsenal 1-1 and Liverpool 0-2 Middlesbrough (I know, I know) would leave the fourth Champions League spot needing a play-off - and who knows when FA Cup finalists Arsenal would fit it in - and that double is a mere 807/1 shot according to the layers.

If Watford beat Manchester City 4-0 - stop laughing - and Arsenal win 1-0 they would play off for third/fourth or fourth/fifth depending on Liverpool's result. That one's a cool 1880/1 at Sky Bet...

1420: Sky Bet have a Soccer Special Price Boost available today. Last week's offering was an 8/1 winner, and today you can get 11/2 for Arsenal, Liverpool and West Ham all to win today, against Everton, Middlesbrough and Burnley respectively. Get involved by clicking here...

1410: Team news is in - click on the match centre links above for all the details. No surprise, but Kane, Lukaku and Sanchez all start.

1400: And so we reach the final curtain. Some would say there's very little left to be decided today, but such naysayers clearly aren't clutching 16/1 Harry Kane top goalscorer betting slips. Humblebrags out of the way, let's have a look at the great many things that remain, at least theoretically up for grabs on the Superest Sunday of the season:

Champions League:

Manchester City are firmly in the driving seat for third, and Liverpool likewise for fourth. Perennial Champions League qualifiers Arsenal, though, are poised to take advantage of any slip-ups after their customary late-season surge following a harrowing last-16 exit to Bayern Munich. Good old Arsene, how dare they question him.

If City win, they're third. If Liverpool win, they're fourth, or possibly third if City drop points.

If Liverpool contrive not to beat Middlesbrough at home, and, let's face it, if any decent team in this division would contrive to do such a thing it would be Jurgen Klopp's lads, then Arsenal can leapfrog them with victory over Everton.

Arsenal can also just about reel in Man City, but that would need City to lose at Watford and Arsenal to beat Everton and a five-goal swing in the goal differences.

Arsenal are 5/1 outsiders to squeeze into that top four, but they've been here before...

3. Man City 75 pts, GD +36
4. Liverpool 73 pts, GD +33
5. Arsenal 72 pts, GD +31

Manchester United have long since placed all their eggs in the Europa League basket.

Relegation:

All done. Nothing to see here.

Golden Boot:

Romelu Lukaku looked to have this sewn up until Leicester turned up to play Spurs on Thursday night only to discover they had literally no fit defenders available. Careless. Four goals later, Harry Kane is now in firm 1/16 control of this one, leading Lukaku by two and Alexis Sanchez by three.

1. Harry Kane 26 goals
2. Romelu Lukaku 24 goals
3. Alexis Sanchez 23 goals