1730: Signing off now. Not a single email from anyone in the last 90 minutes. Not one. You really find out who your friends are at times of crisis. See you tomorrow, not that you care.

1707: Going to work on my Codd gags tonight. The rollercoaster of chuckles will be moving again tomorrow.

1655: Run out of Codd jokes. There was a time when I was unstoppable when the funnies began to roll.

1652: I wonder if Mr Codd is going to go out and get battered tonight. Here we go, I'm off...

1650: Wouldn't want to play cards with Mr Codd. Some nerve that man. Great name too.

1640: Could yet be tempted by another slab of gammon. Late drama on the food front.

1632: Looks like it's Chinese tonight. Never choose well. Go For One in this. Nick Doggett liked Irish Raptor in the paddock.

1630: Switched from mains to batteries on the lap top. A final, desperate roll of the dice. Another small return. Not enough though. Not enough by a long way.

1555: Off out to watch this one - change of scenery, change of luck. Also employed my lucky pocket theory, left breast of the designer coat.

1545: Three Mirrors gets the vote. I used a portaloo this morning which is usually reserved for the security staff. That had three mirrors in it - one on each wall apart from the one behind the appliance.

1535: If you've backed Ruby Walsh to be top jockey with Paddy Power go and collect. If like me, you haven't, try desperately to find the winner of the next.

1525: Second. I'm getting closer. Not as close as Ruby Walsh though.

1506: Backed Punchestowns. Only been to Punchestown once. Got badly drunk during racing and was sick in a chinese restaurant by seven pm. I owe the place an apology. Nicky Henderson has just talked down Punchestowns chances. Come on Nicky, upbeat man, we need you upbeat.

1459: Sorry for the earlier error which made my blog one huge link to tomorrow's racecards. You'd get more sense there.

1457: Well over halfway and no winner thus far. I really am good at this game. Punchestowns now. The anti-French feelings from my earlier emailers mean I have to desert the favourite.

1455: I no longer like Tidal Bay's quirks. He fairly flew home there. Stopped typing outside. Apparently working for any length of time on concrete raises the risks of piles.

1435: Nick Doggett has just seen David Bentley. I've asked him to stop talking to me. The craic is woeful.

1432: Race due off in eight minutes. No sign of a horse, or any other journalists. I sit here alone.

1430: Money in the pocket and I've treated myself to a diet coke. I'm a very cheap date. On Tiday Bay here. I like his quirks.

1415: Sat out on the press stand steps. A man is clapping very loudly. I'm going to develop one of my heads.

1412: A return. Only an each-way one - but a return. Forgot what to do. Do you need to take the ticket to a bookmaker or do they find you?

1405: Tucking into chicken curry now. No better way to prepare for a big race.

1402: Brave Pennek. You have my destiny in your hooves. If only horses could talk.

1400: A major row has errupted over where we are eating tonight. Blinkers time. I've no time for chit-chat.

1355: I have very bad dry skin on the forehead where the purple patch was. Thanks for asking Chris Thomas.

1345: Pennek is sporting blinkers for the first time. I may need them. I think I'm too easily distracted. It said that on my school report.

1340: Ahh the familar smell of failure. No moonwalk. Everything now hinges on Pennek in the next.

1320: Off to the lawn to cheer Tranquil Sea home. Watch out for a camp, Friar Tuck lookalike moonwalking on the members' lawn if he goes in.

1315: Graham Lee has quite a trendy hair cut, it is spiked and screams fun. My thinning locks and small, 50p-shaped bald patch at the crown, scream for help.

1314: Cold here now. My fingers are not working as before. Still typing though. I'm a martyr to the cause.

1312: Just found a miniature bottle of Glenfarclas Whiskey in my coat pocket. Is that the first sign of a drink problem?

1310: Right. "Are you ready to rumble?" I am. Come on Tranquil Sea, do it for Davey.

1308: Richard Lynn has solved our earlier dilemma. "To John from Southampton ... when Fenton said 'he jumped brilliantly' he meant get got away well, off to a good start, as opposed to actually jumping :-) ". Shame on you John from Southampton...and you Dave Ord.

1306: Bad news for Philip Burns, Derek Thompson didn't host the best dressed lady competition. Zoey Bird did. I'm on Tranquil Sea in the opener - expect it to drift like a barge.

1305: Paul McClearn fancies Kasbah Bliss - but not a woman he knows with a hairy throat. You men can be so hurtful at times.

1302: Harvey Smith threw his hat at Christian Williams earlier. I nearly made off with it. It seems the great man is not a fan of long hair on gentlemen.

1300: Richard Williams writes: "Is it just me who's having a terrible Cheltenham? Not only can I not watch a single race because I'm in work I can't seem to pick a winner either.......However I do hope that the Brits kick proverbial butt today against the Irish and Astarador, Imperial Commander and Irish Raptor all winning, the last two for Twiston who had a great winner yesterday. What is your tip of the day?". Get ready...it's Three Mirrors.

1255: An hour of my life I will never get back. Best hat winner shops at Next, Marks and Sparks provided the best accessories and the best dressed overall is from Newmarket. I have now turned my back on the fashion world.

1205: Ladies. I'm heading your way. Going to applaud the winner and smile at the runner-ups.

1202: Chris Connolly writes: "Suggest you back Or Bleu in the four o'clock, you will be able afford to offer one of the losing ladies some sort of encouragement afterwards to raise her spirits. Phillip Hobbs is in good enough form at the moment and a couple of his nags have run really well without much luck. The young (Irish) jockey rode a good one yesterday for the English brothers from Limerick!". Interesting, it's now on my radar. So is the announcement of the winner of the 'Best Dressed Lady'. That's due in 15 minutes. There is a lot of flesh on display today. It's very cold too. The two do not go well together.

1159: David Berry shares my frustration.

"Cheltenham should be ashamed of itself. No eels?! Surely no one can look past VPU and Kasbah Bliss today? Surely they can't be beaten. I do have a little fancy for Pennek in the Pertemps Final today." David, I'm afraid I'm with Pennek. Kasbah and VPU should win- but then again medically I should skip lunch - but that won't happen.

1155: Ian in Birmingham is not a lover of our near neighbours. "I just want to clarify the amount of French bashing we can indulge in today. Firstly I don't like Michel Platini so I am hoping that Kasbah Bliss's jockey will make an almighty cock up and lose the race and then I can really get stuck in.Besides I have backed Fair Along." After being pepper sprayed in Paris on New Year's Eve 2006 I need no second invitation to lash out.

1150: You can check our racecards for tomorrow for the final runners. Don't forget to scroll down though. A PR man for a leading bookmaker did and thought there were 15 runners in the County Hurdle and Dave's Dream was out. The Paddy Power bonus cheque was about to be ripped in two when he was made aware of his error. Control F5 to the rescue again.

1145: They've just done a dress rehearsal for the Queen's arrival tomorrow with Rebecca Morgan playing our monarch. I thought I was nailed on for Prince Andrew but was not involved. He can't be coming.

1130: Not an eel in sight. Not even in the duck pond.

1105: Off out looking for eels. Never thought I'd type those words this week.

1102: Just pushed my chair closer to the desk after three pairs of buttocks made contact with my back when trying to pass. I am one of life's good guys.

1100: Just seen the woman who used to put me on the judging panel for the Guinness Festival Awards. Gave her a withering look.

1058: Lots of men with sticks out on the course. Hope it's not going to kick off.

1055: The Master Butchers Band are going for it today. A very lively version of one of the best-loved songs from "Sound Of Music." The way the block tapper was shaking his leg suggested he was digging the music. Either that or there'd been an accident.

1053: Best Dressed Lady comp up and running. Do the moobs make me eligible? Does the hairy adam's apple rule me out? So many questions for the judges.

1043: I've never had a jellied eel. They worry me. So does the fact I feel quite perky. There's every chance I'll take some on.

1040: A message from Australia. Ian Harrison writes: "Can we please have some sort of update on the quality of the jellied eels available at the meeting. Some of us expats drool just at the mention of them - a real festival highlight over the years.". I've not seen any Ian, none at all, and I do parouse the food stalls every single day. It's now my mission to track some down.

1030: Just spent 20 minutes looking at myself on the Frightened Rabbit Myspace page. It's quite frightening.

1015: To Meatloaf, Geoff Capes and John Candy we can add another Ord doppelganger. Andy Colledgel writes: "Hi Dave - I too share your pain, no winners yet - but today......its all going to change !!!!

"Wanted to mainly say tho', that you have a remarkable resemblance to the lead singer of that famous Scottish beat combo Frightened Rabbit. Trust that raises your spirits for the day :-) ". I am off to find out more. Bet he's a devil with the ladies.

1010: Philip Burns is up and about early. "Morning Dave...took your advice from yesterday and woke up to GMTV....absolutely disgusted , there was this radical on the programme...he was wearing a pink leotard and trying to get children to exercise 1st thing in the morning...shocking." Never happened in my day Philip. You don't develop moobs by making an energetic start to the day.

1005: The women in the pink sash's are "Fashion Scouts". Don't know where they found them. I've walked past four times with my open-collar, hairy throat look, not even a sidewards glance.

0955: John from Southampton spotted this last night. "A classic comment by Philip Fenton after his horse won the bumper. 'I thought he jumped absolutely brilliantly'." To be fair he never looked like falling.

0948: A very jolly chap is filling buckets of water for the horses in the stables. He is whistling like a loon - must be a fellow Roger Whittaker fan.

0945: There's a group ofwomen offering beauty advice on ladies' day. Going to ask for a suggestion as to what to do with my hairy adam's apple. I fear the answer is waxing.

0930: Off to do some video work. Demanding to be in front of camera too. My new open-collar look is ideal for new media streaming.

0920: Aggressive punting today. Done more research which forced me to swerve breakfast. As a result I'm currently functioning on only a bottle of Ribena. My lips are purple.

0910: Had to endure the 'Best Of Roger Whittaker' for the 25-minute drive in. It's my dad's and is now stuck in the CD player. I had to pull over for a spell having teared up during 'The Last Farewell'.

0900: A new day - a new era dawns. I'm open collared - no tie. I have a tuft of long hairs about an inch below my Adam's Apple. I am displaying it for ladies' day.