These are worrying times.

I'll begin on the medical front. The trip to Frome did not go well. It seems the hotel where I lodged was on a new bypass and therefore missing from my sat nav.

As I toured the scenic Somerset town, desperately seeking directions from anyone wandering the street, I did begin to panic.

I have slept in the car once before, when suffering from a spell of light-headiness on the way back from Breakfast With The Stars at Epsom.

Back then I pulled into Watford Gap, ate a chicken and stuffing sandwich, and went out like a light.

I was brought back into the land of the living by a group of youngsters knocking on the window and laughing hysterically. I'd have gone after them but for serious drool discharge which required instant attention.

Thankully I - and the old Golf - were spared on this occasion. A kind man, walking his Old English Sheepdog, was able to tell me the hotel was in fact ten yards from where I had pulled up - but the other side of some tall trees. Bad planning for me.

However it was the next morning when the problems began.

The buffet cooked breakfast screamed Ord. The fall-out had Ord screaming.

I felt lethargic as I finished my second full circuit of cereals, sausage and toast.

By the time I was back in the room lethargy had been replaced by agony.

There was a burning sensation in my stomach which meant I spent the two hours before the trip to Paul Nicholls' yard ensuring a toilet was always within walking distance.

Have I become allergic to fried food? Is mother nature playing her final and most devastating trick? Only time will tell. Gall stones is one theory that has been put forward. Don't fancy them.

The other startling revelation came from Cheltenham clerk of the course Simon Claisse.

It seems - as grass only grows at temperatures above six degrees centigrade - that some racecourses are struggling to cope. By all accounts one or two have now turned yellow.

So instead of betting on what the ground will be on the opening day of the meeting, perhaps bookmakers should be offering 5/6 each of two about the colour of it.

It may look purple to me if the fried egg allergy kicks in.