1800: Going now. Will resemble the late, great John Candy as I pace down the road chasing my taxi otherwise. That would definitely lead to back sweat. Tomorrow is another day and I can't wait. I have a very exciting shirt and tie combo that I plan to try out. I will also pass on a good word for one in the Ladbrokes World Hurdle when I'm back online at 10.

1745: Day drawing to a close now. Hopes high I won't have to walk at last! May celebrate with a steak tonight.

1727: I nearly went down to start it myself. Come on lads, I have a taxi to catch.

1725: Another false start. I am typing quickly tonight as I am looking for a quick getaway myself. There is the chance of a lift back to Bishops Cleeve.

1715: The standards of literacy in this country worry me. A man is walking around the racecourse, dressed as a native american, with "Wel Chief" across his chest.

1650: The coat is on for the first time this week as it has clouded over. Quite cool now. I prefer that though. It doesn't encourage back sweat.

1625: Back spasms ease if I sidewards on my chair. Makes typing difficult though.

1620: A friend of mine went to the medical centre on course yesterday with a blister on his toe. Wonder if they can do anything with back spasms?

1615: No joy with the Exacta. Never really expected any. Back spasms have started again. The two may be connected.

1545: Going for it here. I'm doing a combination Exacta that could pay for my trip to Rome next week and give me a few quid to spend too. It's never come off before but to small stakes I am rolling the dice. I've also roped in my mate who is churning out winners for fun. Quite sure the Ord factor will end his Midas touch.

1535: Princess Anne is here. My royal spotting has been woeful this year. I didn't even know William and his partner were here yesterday. He never texted me. I did somewhat stalk Prince Edward on the opening day last year though so may be paying the price.

1530: No flag. None whatsoever. I feel cheated.

1525: The stench of burning flesh is in the air at Cheltenham after Well Chief's fall. My mind is already on Robert Thornton's flag waving. Will he go for the monster St George one again? Must do.

1505: Sure I've just seen Derek Thompson and an elderly lady seeing if they could touch their toes on Channel Four. I can't and never could. Well Chief is now even money. This is make-or-break race for many punters this week.

1455: To answer another email I like to think I can moonwalk but those who've seen my effort say not. I do a very good Penguin though. It's a dance from the 60s which you can put to any modern music although guitar based rock suits it best.

1450: There's been a bit of a tip for Baron De Feypo in the Coral Cup and Gerry Harte warns me trainer Oliver Brady is worth watching should it win. Trainers need to let themselves go more. I'd love to see David Pipe moonwalking back to the winners' enclosure should Well Chief win.

1445: Now that's a popular winner. First time this meeting the newspapers have been airborn in the stands. Mine wasn't. It cost £1.50 so needs reading cover to cover.

1430: On my way back to the press room a tall man dressed as a wizard asked me where the nearest toilet was. He seemed very confused as he clearly was when dressing this morning.

1415: Richard Johnson told us Massini's Maguire was a huge price. Did we listen? Well I didn't. The male friend who I'm sharing a double bed with did and he had the Exacta up too. He's very happy. He wasn't this morning when my snoring woke him up at 5am. Just goes to show you what a rollercoaster ride Cheltenham is.

1340: Going off to watch the first now on the members' lawn. My feign to the left and step to the right routine has the safety stewards bamboozled.

1335: I just nearly knocked Paul Nicholls over as he left the gents near to the parade ring. Don't think he recognised me despite our in-depth interview only a fortnight ago. I've trimmed the beard since though.

1330: David Pipe apparently had a few drinks to celebrate Gaspara's success yesterday, or at least that's what he told Ian Carnaby on the Guinness Festival Awards stage. Doesn't look a drinker to me.

1315: The folk band are back in the Centaur but this time they are not drumming up support for Johnny The Gypsy. It seems I won't be going to Glastonbury after all so I'm getting my music fill for the year this week. It's the Pitville Soul Band by a mile so far.

1300: Thanks to Andy Garness as the Pitville Pump Room saga rolls on. Apparently you can sample the local spa waters there. By all accounts they are "somewhat slimy with a strong odour of sulphur". No wonder we stick to tap water in West Yorkshire.

1245: The Pitville Soul Band have left the building. On foot and carrying their own instruments. The lone trumpeter was walking hand in hand with one of the seven vocalists. His hard work was clearly worthwhile.

1230: Had a Guinness, bought by my dad, in the Arkle Bar. Very pleasant it was. Saw the orange-caped kids perform too. They were good. Lots of drumming but with a dance routine thrown in for good measure. The adult in the Morris Dancer suit led the way.

1200: Just been interviewed by Guy Lewis on Sportslive radio and the mouth was very dry. I'm off for a drink, may even have a Guinness. It could end with a trip to the Pitville Pump Room but what the hell.

1140: Thanks to Gavin Riordan who tells me the Pitville Pump Room is a fancy assembly room and not somewhere for the flatulent to meet. It's a stones throw from the track. I once stayed in a Spanish hotel that was a stone's throw from the beach. Would love to meet whoever it was who hurled the pebble the required two miles. Again London 2012 would be calling.

1135: Dramatic scenes. A posse of kids wearing orange capes and holding drums are now standing next to the Community Stage. There's an adult with them dressed as a Morris Dancer. The PSB are still playing but for how much longer? Has there been a double booking? Could there be a dance off? I've always wanted to see one of those.

1120: The Pitville Soul Band are now playing live and have got changed into suits. They look sharp but are still lacking a trumpet or two to this one fan.

1100: Charlie Chaplin is back and joined this time by somone dressed as the Mad Hatter. We've lost the Elizabethan woman on stilts. She has been replaced by a man in an old-fashioned police uniform, again on stilts. I wonder what his official job title is?

1050: I have never been to Pitville but have seen their Soul Band now. However as you walk to the racetrack there are countless signs for the "Pitville Pump Room". The mind boggles as to what you do in there.

1045: The Pitville Soul Band are today's star turn on the Community Stage. Just seen them warm up and they are very good. They are all in black T-shirts with their job written on the back. I have spotted six vocalists and one trumpet player. He's going to have to blow very hard to be heard.

1030: The gates have opened and the public are flooding in. I enjoy the first half hour when I am alone with my thoughts and the safety stewards.

1000: Good morning. It hasn't been for me thus far as there have been two enforced and unscheduled costume changes. I spilled gravy on my black slacks last night and they are lost for the meeting while my best shoes rubbed my left heel a little. They've been replaced with a traditional lace-up number in black. It's sunny, warm and the safety stewards are having a team meeting.