pasty, bowling and lycra suits

The brutal sport of Ten Pin Bowling.

By Dave Ord

It may have been lost in among the other Festival news but I am afraid to report I missed my key pre-Cheltenham trial.

I could not make it to the track on Saturday so there is every fear now that I will be underdone come the March showpiece.

You can never quite recreate the wear and tear the four days take on your feet but the fact I had to miss a game of Ten Pin Bowling on Friday night because of an Achilles tendon strain suggests I may not be in the peak of physical fitness.

I am not going to run blood tests, it is too early for that, but I am convinced I wouldn't scope clean at the moment either.

I am also getting increasingly concerned about the beard and the practicalities of sporting one at the Festival.

I have just spent five minutes cleaning out the remnants of a Cornish Pasty from one corner while the right-hand chin area gets greyer by the day.

I did try to source some beard dye from a leading online supplier but the only colour available was chestnut.

It may be a nice shade for a horse but I can't waddle around Prestbury Park with a red squirrel attached to my chin.

Elsewhere the Ord jinx struck again and four days after I pointed a video camera at him, Black Jack Ketchum met with his first defeat. Perhaps he was distracted by the pasty-laden beard and it was praying on his mind

I have a wonderful record for passing on sporting misfortune to others.

At school my form were a shoe-in for the 4x100 metres relay in the third year only for yours truly to drop the baton and then drift out of our alloted lane on leg three.

I tried to blame cramp but the look of horror on the faces of my three fellow athletes still burns bright to this day.

Anyway onwards and upwards.

I am actually down at the racecourse this week to do some work on the Festival preview CD.

There could be some added bonus material this year too - I can't say too much at this stage but think Andrew Lloyd Webber, lycra suits and bowls of milk. You won't be far off.