Cheeky Let Down by His Biggest Fan
Many have tried, but nobody has succeeded in taking his crown. The inimitable Cheeky Punt takes you through his weekly betting lows and highs with the original punting blog.
As a problem gambler of epic proportions my mood swings are genuinely outrageous at the best of times.
However last Tuesday was definitely one for the memoirs even by my own appalling standards.
The day's cricket T20 World Cup match between India and South Africa was effectively a dead rubber after India (who made 156-6) failed to restrict the Proteas to 121 in their innings.
However there is no such thing as a dead rubber when one has £110 on the outcome of the match at 10/11.
The match itself, which I watched from a Coral betting shop up Owton Manor (an area of Hartlepool which should you enter, and you are not wearing a tracksuit, you will be attacked) went to the wire and in with three balls left the Proteas tail-ender Morne Morkel needed to score eight.
Job done I thought. Until Morkel leathered one into the crowd to leave them needing two from two and leave me with my head firmly in my hands.
However with just two required (one to ruin my bet) I let out a primal yelp as Morkel had his stumps re-arranged, and I took off round the betting shop like a 1980s David Pleat while contemplating just which arm to get my 'I LOVE LAKSHMIPATHY BALAJI' (the man who took the final wicket) tattoo on.
After the sublime came the ridiculous however. That night I had a £180 four-fold consisting of:
Juventus to beat Shakhtar
Spartak Moscow to beat Celtic
Brighton to beat Ipswich
Swindon to beat Colchester
All were odds on. None of them won. Roll on death.
I am starting to lose patience with Manchester City.
Last Wednesday night their inability to beat Borussia Dortmund cost me over £800. I had them in a treble with Malaga and Arsenal and also a five fold which included said teams along with Real Madrid and Dynamo Kiev.
I was livid at the final whistle of their 1-1 draw at the Ethiad. But let's not blame boss Roberto Mancini (who a little birdie tells me reads this column).
No. Mancini is a man of honour and integrity. A man whose outrageous back-heeled goal against Parma for Lazio in 1999 remains one of the best I have seen. And for the record I always preferred his quiff to Beppe Signori's.
So, if you are reading this Roberto, and feeling flush, perhaps you would consider doing the right thing and bunging me back the £200 I wasted on your mob last week?
The weekend was a mixed bag. Southend drawing 2-2 with League Two basement boys Barnet did my main coupon up like a kipper. However I got myself back in the game with a hefty punt on Arsenal to beat West Ham and also had a slice of Santi Cazorla to score in that one.
I had further success with Kei Nishikori in the tennis and West Indies in the T20 World Cup (both at odds against) but the weekend was marred by an unsavoury incident with 'er indoors, who has now taken to striking out and throwing things at me when I don't come home after going out on the drink.
I got in on Sunday morning at 4.25am after promising I would be home for 11.30pm.
And clearly, anyone who claims that onions are the only vegetables to make you cry, has never been hit repeatedly across the face with a cucumber.
Cheeky's Punt of the Week: England to beat San Marino 6-0 at 13/2 (BetVictor)