And The Winner Is...

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Brian Charles Lara bows out...

By Dave Tickner

As a long, pointlessly-drawn-out tournament got the long, pointlessly-drawn-out final it deserved, fans of the word microcosm rejoiced while fans of cricket mourned both the inevitable Aussie victory and the equally-inevitable shambles the ICC orchestrated in a game designed to show this fantastic sport at its best.

Of course, one-day cricket rarely if ever does that. But amongst the shoddy, one-sided games in front of near-empty stands, there were some highlights.

And there were several lowlights.

So the time has come for me to don my best tux (well, best T-shirt with a bow tie drawn on it) and hand out my World Cup awards. Forget Glenn McGrath and his player of the tournament gong - these are the real biggies.

Best Shot
Just has to be Paul Nixon's astonishing reverse-sweep for six off one of the game's greatest-ever bowlers. The look of genuine disbelief on Murali's face was a picture, and one more commonly associated with batsmen trying to pick his doosra. Nixon's impressive World Cup will have brought joy (and no doubt some jealousy) to the hearts of county stalwarts up and down England. So bad has the one-day team become, literally any one of them could be next to get their international chance.

Best Spell
So good was Lasith Malinga's opening spell against New Zealand, that when Ross Taylor finally managed to get bat on ball after countless plays and misses he responded to the ironic cheers of the crowd by raising his bat in acknowledgement. Malinga's combination of pace, accuracy and outlandish late movement even had the World Cup's best wicketkeeper Kumar Sangakkara struggling a firther 30 yards back. It was even better than the four-wickets-in-four-balls burst against South Africa. Exhilarating stuff from one of the few genuine stars of this tournament.

Best Sledge
The best sledges need more than just profanity. It's a surprise therefore, that it was the foul-mouthed Nixon who showed this to great effect in Barbados. The game against West Indies may have been a dead rubber, but Nixon was in inspired form. Marlon Samuels had blazed his way to a quickfire 51 - stopping briefly to run-out his legendary captain in his final innings - before Nixon sidled up and innocently asked: "When you hit the ball, do you breathe in or out?" A visibly rattled and perplexed Samuels stammered "both" before clipping the next delivery into the hands of Paul Collingwood at midwicket. Presumably while breathing both in and out.

Best Commentator
England may have lagged way behind on the field, but they led off it. In Michael Atherton and Nasser Hussain they possessed comfortably the two best commentators in the tournament. Atherton's strength is his intelligent wit and insight, delivered in a pleasingly relaxed tone. Hussain, on the other hand, is terrible at banter, speaks in a boring monotone and has an infuriating tendency to use the phrase "I repeat", well, repeatedly. However, whatever he happens to be repeating is usually worthy of a second hearing, so incisive are his observations. No-one reads the game better, with his ability to get inside batsmen's heads and pre-empt their next move almost uncanny. Happily, he also seems to have overcome an early obsession with Ravi Bopara's "lovely Asian wrists".

Worst Commentator
Ranjit Fernando. His dreary non-analysis already had him way out on his own thanks to his ability to offer precisely no information that couldn't be gleaned simply by looking at the screen. "He tried to play at that ball, but he really didn't make contact". "And that cover-drive crosses the boundary rope, and that's four runs". It was ironic then, that Fernando finally clinched this gong by failing to even meet this criteria as England went down to Sri Lanka off the last ball of the match. "Bopara! Bopara! It's gone for four!" he exclaimed as the off stump lay on the turf and England came to terms with another defeat, albeit a close one. You won't hear it again, as it has been cheekily re-recorded in an attempt to rewrite history. Now look for ICC boffins to re-edit all the footage to show packed stands cheering yet another thrilling game in a truly wonderful tournament.

Most Inappropriate Corporate Anthem
The immediately-irritating "Life is a Carnival" tournament theme song quickly became as inaccurate as it was infuriating. My wish to have it replaced with "Everything is Average Nowadays" sadly never came to pass, but when the World Cup was overshadowed by the murder of Bob Woolmer, I felt sure it would at least disappear as inaccuracy was replaced with outright bad taste. No such luck.

Best Half-solution
Malcolm Speed admitting the World Cup was too long, and then stating his desire to shorten it by seven to 10 days. Double that, and you're getting there, Malcolm.

Finest Defending of the Indefensible
Ian Botham backing Andrew Flintoff in the aftermath of Fredalo, even turning the blame onto members of the Barmy Army who were also out enjoying themselves just as late as Flintoff, only overlooking the salient fact that they had no international sporting events to play during the following 48 hours.

Best Endless Peddling (or 'Pedaloing') of a Non-story
The British media, for the collective decision that the Fredalo incident was still the big story even after Bob Woolmer's death. As always, it was left to Private Eye to highlight the insanity of the situation, demanding: "Time to crack down on sick pedalos. These vile pedalo scum have now infiltrated the world of sport, hoping to lure young cricketers out to sea for their evil purposes."

Most Irritating Use of a Middle Name
Yes, he was a great player. Yes, it's a shame he's retiring. Yes, the West Indies are left in a mess without him. But none of this means we have to call him Brian Charles Lara every time we mention him.

Biggest Unanswered Question of the World Cup
How did a team as truly awful as England manage to finish fifth in the tournament without playing well at any stage. It honestly still baffles me.